Week 9 Assignment - BLOG WRITING: a week of blog entries as a creative writing exercise in itself, developing existing piece as longer assignment if preferred.
He was standing in line, waiting to be served. He hoped that the waitress wouldn’t notice he only had 20p, not the 65p required. All he wanted was a cup of tea. He anxiously shuffled forwards as one more person was served, each having enough money, most had the correct change. He was far too superior to ask anyone for money. He kept his eyes down as he got close and closer, the sound of coins falling into their place inside the till drawer became louder and louder. Sweat was forming profusely on his brow, taking a detour around his eye before falling to his cheek. His heartbeat became so pulsating he thought the people around him may feel the vibrations through their fresh cups of decaffeinated coffee. Finally it was his turn.
“A cup of tea please”
His hand trembled as he passed her the money. She dropped it in the till without a glance.
“YES” he shouted using all the air in his lungs. Everyone turned.
this is very good – the reader is drawn into to identifying with the character’s anxiety from the outset. It would be well worth developing this (keeping it short though). I do find the ’20p imitating a 50p’ very unconvincing though – not a very likely scenario. Perhaps you need to think of another line – perhaps the waitress does realise, but decides to help him out?
Katharine